How to find your style again (After losing it)
I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
I recently lost my personal style and it was not a great time. I remember the day it happened when I lost my personal style, I was looking through my closet full of clothes and I no longer felt good.
I actually couldn't find a single thing to wear, which is crazy for a fashion stylist!
I felt so frumpy and it just felt like I didn't even know who I was anymore. It kind of goes like this: One day you're feeling confident with your outfit choices. And the next day you wake up and realise that you have no idea who you are anymore.
This could be because our style has become too safe or maybe we've lost touch with what we used to like, or maybe we even gain weight and start to feel down about ourselves because nothing looks good on us anymore.
That was me!
All three of them!
And eventually, we end up shutting down from our true selves and even around our partners, especially in the bedroom. And what's even more frustrating for me was because I am a fashion stylist.
This is my full-time job!
This is my business!
This is my passion!
My purpose!
So I should know who I am all the time... right?
I was so embarrassed to admit that I actually didn't know who I was and that the wardrobe pieces that I owned didn't reflect me anymore.
I then realised that my job became me.
My full-time job is to help women find their personal style and express themselves through the clothes that they wear. So why wasn't I doing this?
And you want to know what the real turning point for me was? It's when I realised that my job had consumed me to the point where I no longer knew who I was outside of work because it's as if you've lost your entire identity.
So, if you're currently feeling the same way, maybe you've lost your style because you've become a mum or you work way too hard and don't have time for yourself. Or maybe your lifestyle has drastically changed. This is the blog for you!
This is blog is going to help you get through this feeling and to come out on the other side knowing your personal style again. How I want to direct this, is to break up the conversation into chapters, kind of like a book.
So that way you can easily understand the process of my mind and use it for yourself on what I went through and how I found myself again.
So let's begin!
let's get vulnerable!
Let's have a chat!
Chapter 1: The moment how I realised I lost my style identity
It was when I couldn't recognise the person in the mirror anymore. I mean, I dressed nicely, but something was telling me that it just wasn't the real me. I began to feel, not like myself. It was as if my clothes seemed to belong to someone else.
And on top of that, I began avoiding my partner in the bedroom because I knew I was gaining weight and I started to have self-doubt thoughts. That's when I realised something wasn't right because I'm typically a positive person.
I'm usually content with my body weight and my clothing choices. I'm usually quite confident within myself, but when I started to feel not confident, something was wrong. So I ended up getting vulnerable and asking a close friend for advice on what she thought.
Because sometimes we don't see it until we ask for help.
And the advice she gave me was so eye-opening, as she explained, how styling for other women every single day became my identity. I became lost in all the different trends that I never had time outside of my business to style just for me. I never went shopping just for myself in over four years because I was so in love with getting my clients' results. I forgot about myself.
That was the moment.
So the first sign, when I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror anymore and see me or feel me.
The second sign that I knew I lost myself was when I stopped being affectionate with my fiance, we used to be so physically close and I became more and more focused on my work and helping others.
I stopped helping myself.
I stopped exercising. I never gave time to be with myself and I didn't have a self-care practice. I began to neglect my own body, which then led to negative thoughts, and negative feelings. And I started rejecting him.
The strangest thing though is that I always loved the way my body looked. But then one day again, I looked in the mirror and I didn't. Especially when you're naked, we all know that feeling. I didn't realise it at the time either, but I began grabbing and picking up oversized clothing.
I also began wearing ugly underwear. Yeah. My underwear game was so gross and I began rejecting my fiance because the truth was, I was deeply rejecting myself.
So if you've gotten to the point where you are not sure who you are anymore, take a look at your lifestyle, where are you wasting time or spending time and not prioritising yourself?
What has changed? For me, It was my business. I was so consumed by my business, I never gave myself a break. And because I worked in the fashion industry, I had so many different style identities that I lost track of my own.
Chapter 2: The change
So after all of this, I asked my friend for advice and she helped me realise that I needed to take some time for myself and rediscover my sense of style. I also told my fiance how I was feeling about my weight, and I asked him to help me find my sexy again.
I wanted to find my sexy again and what better way to get closer to your partner than having them involved?
I was so determined to make a change because I knew the difference between having confidence and how I felt right now, which was at my lowest point. So for the change to happen, I had to create a style action plan.
This is my style action plan
- I started buying sexier underwear
I had decided to invest in nice undergarments because I realised that I deserve to feel confident in my body right now in my current body, instead of hiding my body, I deserve to wear something that made me feel proud of it. And that's why I started buying sexier underwear. So now when I put on my new lingerie, I feel a little bit more confident and worthy for me.
And this is important because your underwear can still be comfortable, but make them "sexy comfortable." It really does makes a big difference.
- I started making an outfit planner and created amazing outfits
The second action step that I took in the mornings, I started making an effort to go through my outfit planner because honestly, getting dressed in the morning started to feel boring and overwhelming.
So, I started taking full advantage of my outfit edits planner, and seriously, it made all the difference. Like I have this amazing membership that is life-changing for so many women that I decided I need to use my own style medicine!
And that's what I did.
I needed to just stop thinking and have someone do the work for me.
So isn't that funny that I used my own work to inspire me to find my personal style? And it worked!
- I reviewed my wardrobe
I started identifying pieces that no longer represented me and the lifestyle I desired. I took a week off from my business and my social media to rediscover my personal style and my personality.
I also signed up for Pilates classes and I decided to stick with it because I knew it would help me not only to lose weight, but heal my mind.
And I felt so incredible from day one.
I have not stopped going to Pilates. I go twice a week. It has changed everything for me and I'm not a big exercise type of girl. I don't like doing those really heavy, hectic workouts because I get overwhelmed by them.
But reformer Pilates is the perfect exercise for not only mindset but achieving something, knowing that you are getting results. Seeing my body shift and change has helped me even wear those sexy underwear 10 times more.
- I started walking my dog for at least 20 minutes a day every day and leaving my phone at home
I did this because I wanted to get fresh air and refresh my own energy. When we are distracted all the time with life, we can lose track of our own thoughts. So I encourage you to try and go for a 10-20 minute walk once a day, if you can, or go sit in the sun, go and get some fresh air. It's small, but it will work.
- I admitted that I wasn’t fine
I accepted that I didn't have to hurry or keep up with everyone else to become someone.
I decided I'm going to take my time getting to know myself and I started by asking the right questions. I started dating myself and I started asking questions like:
What colours bring me the most joy?
How do I feel about my previous wardrobe?
Who sense of style do I admire?
And why am I not wearing nice underwear?
So this is the part where you get to create a style action plan and take some time, grab a cup of tea and write out what you can do right now for the next 30 days as a self-care practice.
Chapter 3: What happened next?
My entire style, confidence, and body improved after I realised something needed to change. After I asked for help, after I decided on an action-style plan. I decided to stick to this plan and honestly, these simple tasks helped me to get clarity on what I wanted in life and it gave me a sense of direction.
Within a few weeks, I started seeing changes within myself. I became more focused and more motivated and I started making progress toward my personal goals and most importantly, I felt like I had found myself again I was able to turn my life around and I felt like a fresh start.
